Nick and the Speedboat
by SlightlyGayPirate
Summary: revised version of Noah and the Ark. turned more 21st century


One day a young boy was quietly in his room reading a porn magazine and masturbating when suddenly he heard a voice "from above" which people now commonly call schizophrenia. This so called voice told him a big flood was coming. Considering Nick was still preoccupied with his Playboy magazine, he thought it had something to do with what he was doing until the voice said "not that kind of flood you idiot! A real one! Of water! Go gather animals!" so Nick got set booking tickets to Los Angeles, CA to go to the playboy mansion.

Two days later at the playboy mansion, after explaining to Hef and the bunnies what was going to happen, they all went back to Florida with Nick so they could board the boat. He then booked a ticket to Albuquerque, New Mexico to find his favourite basketball team, the Wildcats. Luckily, the team only needed to hear the words "flood" and "storm" and they were set to go back with Nick to Florida. They all clambered aboard Nick's huge speedboat before the big flood.

It was over a month of waiting in the boat before the big flood. They had just come back from their shopping for food when the flood began. Nick sped across the water so fast that he hadn't noticed the Models and Wildcats getting it on in the back of the boat. After 9 months of going around the world a few times, he turned around at hearing the sounds of babies crying. He felt dread fall across him as he knew he probably still had a while to go in this boat with a whole 12 more mouths to feed.

The boat of people were down to their last scraps of food and were up to their 11th month of being out in the flood. Over the past two months they hadn't noticed the water levels going down until they heard a big THUD as the boat dropped onto an island. At the sound of the thud, they got up and ran to the side of the boat, thus causing the boat to topple over and discard the passengers onto the island. Nick stood up and looked around. He was stuck on an island with 12 pregnant women, 12 2month old babies and 12 wildcats. He started searching for a good weapon and found a sharp pointed stick. One by one, Nick took each wildcat to a secret location and killed them off until the only remainders were the starving babies and their mothers. By this time, the babies had multiplied. Not only were there the original babies who were almost 1year old, but there were the now newborn babies.

Nick now set onto killing the mothers off one by one, hoping the babies would crawl off and get eaten by some surviving water animal in search of food. Upon reaching the last Model, he was unsure about killing her or not. She had figured out what he had done and requested to be killed that instant. He argued with her for 2 hours about it until she went and drove the stick through her heart and died instantly. He was surprised at what she did, but the feeling of surprise didn't last long as at that moment, he heard the sound of seven babies crying. He groaned and walked off to a new place on the land he had found.

After seven months of being alone, his old playboy magazine washed ashore. He was thrilled to be reunited with his beloved magazine. He set it out and started flipping through the pages. This discouraged Nick as each page was saturated. Until he got to Miss September. He groaned as he didn't like this picture as Miss September had a rather large behind for Nicks liking. He threw his magazine back into the ocean and went back to foraging for food. During his daily forage he heard some strange scuttling noises in the bushes and odd gurgling noises. The noises got louder and louder until he saw one of the older babies at his feet. This one looked around 2 or 3. Nick picked the kid up and took it back to where he'd made up camp. After a while of stripping and searching, Nick came to the conclusion that the toddler was a girl. Although Nick thought this was so, it wasn't the case. Considering nick already had a mental disease of schizophrenia, it wasn't surprising he got the genders mixed up. Nick thought it would be wrong to touch little "girls" in inappropriate ways that he turned to the voice in his mind and asked him, "God, can you please speed up the aging process on this girl? I'd really like to start a community again here." To Nick's surprise the voice responded, "Nick, I think you're a little confused. This child is a boy." Nick suddenly felt confused. He thought over what he thought he'd seen on the child and replied, "No. It's definitely a girl." The voice in his mind was getting frustrated. "Nick. The child is a boy. Honestly. Go recheck if you wish." So this is what Nick did. He was shocked to find out that he was wrong. The child really was a boy. Nick felt so ashamed that he grabbed the stake that he had used to kill the Wildcats and the playboy bunnies and drove it through his heart.

10 years passed and the young boy grew up. When the boy was old enough to go hunting for him a bit more, he found his way back to his tribe that had found him by himself when Nick had stranded the babies. He then got married to a beautiful girl who also happened to be his sister, but the boy didn't know that, and they had deformed babies with each other.


End file.
